Thursday, September 30, 2004

Stubborn? No!

Well enough time to mourn my time, although I still think it was one of most brilliant pieces of work I ever wrote, I depicted myself so accurately from a third person viewpoint, the language was strong and involving.

I'm pretty disturbed at the loss of note to tell the truth, but maybe when I come to think about it the only purpose of the note was to release me from that overcomplicated knot of feelings I was wandering through in the previous hours, no phone calls, no music, no clothes, no nothing, just endlessness. I'm still lucid and very articulate but I think I lost my muse, totally. I'm now in kind of chill-out mood with lawyers conversations and everything. Don't think anything worthy will come out of it.

I don't pretend to give up on the note though, just like I gave up with Anne Frank and wife's universalism, it was astounding. An amazing note, yet gone with the wind, or better say with the wire. There was another note that got lost, the one about the blog subscribers but after a couple of Jameson's I re-wrote the note all over again and it kept me up and half-drunk until the next day, I didn't care much though.

This note on the night and the Phoebus must come through, for it's a truely amazing discovery of the interaction between my ficticious characters, since there's nothing ficticious about them though. In the other hand something about the note troubles me deeply, I never write notes with no reason, and usually they're secretly addressed to someone. This very note wasn't secretly addressed to anyone, but rather loudly addressed to someone.

In the meantime I'm half way through Naomi Ragen's book "Sotah" and it's really interesting. Funnily enough I can say it's not a deeply intellectual novel such as Agnon's Shira or Joyce's infernal dramas, the truth is being the intellectually concerned person I am I rather flow with cheap feminist novels than with all those heavy and musty so-called dramas, I spend more than enough time curdling up into a mustiness I unsuccessfully try to avoid. I really like popular novels, they bring into light more interesting lessons than any elucidations of mythology or comparative religions scholarly text ever do.

Naomi Ragen is no dummie actually, I wish I had such beautiful and expressive language, but I'm on the way. Law school is a first-hand step. I'm improving as time goes by, within ten or twenty years hopefully my linguistic register will be respectable enough as to write anything respectable, or of the same good sake, unreadable.

The note had some other interesting feature, it totally contradicted my philosophical system even more than the character of Isobel, yet the language was rich enough as to say it was part of the philosophical system itself. Many words used here, were used there and so on.

To end this insignificant note I must add my lawyer friend says I must have been a very frustrated translator after he's done some reading of my blog. That only tells a few things, either I'm a completely pathetic self-deceiving animal or a highly materialistic person. What do we care anyway?

I really have this feeling the note won't come through, you'll see.


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