Thursday, September 30, 2004

Continuation (just a tiny comment left)

6. The party is this weekend and I wasn't invited and I'm convinced I won't be, I'm so hurt from that. You see? Dina Reich and me have a lot in common. Waiting a couple of months for this to happen and it just didn't come through, why don't they teach us about these go and about of life in the Classics seminar? Everything is so heavy there, and in the end of the day the path life takes is determined only by totally insignificant, sporadic, superficial and spontaneous thoughts, little little banality. About that they didn't teach us, and I swear law school won't do much of a better job, but at least you learn some cruelty, I really need to release this unfounded humanism a little bit. In the end of the day I'm just justifying people, among them myself and it's by far not upright.

Everybody thinks I don't care and that I don't hurt from that, but I really do and how! That day (which I know very well) I'll be sitting home at night mourning my future, the future that never came, the future that I wrote about in those poems I wrote that evening in the old Yaffo. I'll be a mourner that night, let my fate change, would you? I might get a bit surprise though, but it's not very likely. Things are so predictable now. I'm getting emotional and no one can even notice it, but at the same time it's just plain growth. At least I don't fool myself anymore, the rest of the people is another story. They're all strangers anyway, including him.


PD: Why don't I play an act in which I was invited but I refused to go because my hair is too long and I don't look good enough? Damn I really love myself when I'm desperate enough as to write these totally aphilosophical kind of notes.

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