This morning I'm just wondering... why I didn't have a blog about coming out of the closet or maybe to talk about my parents and let everyone know my one-side story? why didn't I have a blog about my gay insecurities and anonymous sex? As funny as it sounds I never thought I had any issues about it, and eventually I found out I really don't, maybe I've got some other issues... and I'm probably going around them all the time but what the heck? I'm a sort of a poet somehow, probably riddles, puzzles and enigmas are the language of my soul, just like sadness... a very sexy kind of thing.
Yesterday was just an ok day, after the all-night-long craving I hit the bed in the middle of the morning, totally exhausted and filled up with some kind of joy, with some kind of knowledge... exposed to my little tragedies here and there I seem to be able to find a way around and really sleep in peaceful joy.
Yesterday was a day for banks, cable companies, embassies, telephone companies, and all different types of bottle-sucking places, yet I slept in. In the middle of the morning, past a white night and among my books, I just fell asleep... like a Goethe of my times, being a Greek in whichever way... slowing down in drunkenness and joy.... making part of the "theory".
"Theory" is one of the most fascinating terms in the Western languages, I think probably Hebrew uses the same root, you know... Hellenization...
I'm too fuzzy this morning to start curdling up and basically it's jusy 1:14 pm and the sun is shining out there... it's just too early for any kind of serious though... or is it ever too late for any kind of serious thought? Maybe I should go back to Euripides and his Bacchants... for I've spent way too much time in Antigona, which I think to be the best tragedy of all times... and somehow more meaningful than the Homeric poems but I can't be sure, it certainly doesn't overwrite Hesiodus, but who could overwrite him? He's talked about the problems of the world in the I century, and also in the XXI century!!! and it was written quite a while back if you ask me ;-)
There's also Sappho, the greatest and most magnificient example of Romantic poetry, way back in time at least compared to Wordsworth, Shelley and Keats.
But Antigone... Antigone is like frozen music in the ears... it's a momentum... probably the most brilliant of all tragedies. Maybe it's just another tragedy but you know? Antigone justifies my sadness, justifies my sadness timelessly, just like a state of mind, like the edge of the writer.
Antigone makes light of many interesting ideas, probably Semitic kind of thing... because you know only the Jews could come up with that kind of dramas... but she's also very Greek, very Apolinear and very Attic...
I feel very identified with Antigone... you know.. I think she didn't really understand fate, but she surrendered to it and just did "what had to be done", regardless the do's and dont's of the Theban society... an example of the richness and diversity of the Greek society.... a whole scale of grays (mind you I didn't say gays, but that as well lol). Antigona just followed her fate at any price, and when this fate becomes a national idea and a rebelion then we understand much better the Greek in general I think, their exile in Venice during the 17th century and even the Coup D'etat in the 30's. The Greek tragedy exemplifies the modern Greek just to the same extent the Bible exemplifies the modern Israeli. This is the lesson of Antigone, and in particular (and to a larger extent) the lesson of Sophocles, fate must be taken upon and that as an act itself constitutes an heroic act, almost Romantic, and twice as Homeric.
Oh well... this is not an academic paper, so if you think I was going to give further explanations and elucidated comments you're pretty wrong. It's just a journal you know... I'm just emotional... have you ever tried to listen to music when you're underneath the water? Well that's what I'm trying to do, very Sophoclean... but I can still try.
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