Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Clinical morning, cynical morning

Well right after our elucidation of Isobel's particulars I decided to dose off without much success, a little while I dived into Kerenyi going no further than the introduction and full of fears I sank into my sleep, disturbed sleep with the strangest of dreams. Dreams of day to day life and working hours, very strange dreams to my taste.

To my surprise I woke up on time even after not picking up the phone for a couple of hours already; then I had to get ready even before having time for a morning note and headed towards the clinic; as my friend Arie is undergoing an operation this morning. Nothing really serious yet an operation. In my sick hallucinations I made use of the time in the hospital firstly to deceive an old friend of mine and royally slow down our relationship just because "he doesn't work for me", oh well it's been hard and even harder the days but I decided to dive into this irreparability and lock Ari back again into the shades where Isobel's meant to frame him, to protect him.

The morning surprise with a response from Lara which somehow I expected, the answer of my second reader hasn't come through and disacknowledging why I seem to pretend I don't expect it when certainly I do. I'm such a deceiving animal, a self deceiving animal. It's strange what Lara said for I find truth in her words, it's difficult to figure out how we've managed actually to build a friendship at all, but same would go for Keren which is an even more dramatic case of what a little woman is. I need a haircut by the way.

I'm still stranged in the come about of the last events of my life, a bit hidding and a bit running, a bit responding to life in the only way I was taught to; with a slaughtering passiveness even before the most sickening auguries. I don't seem to be any interested in the future for I can't really look into it right now and anyway I shouldn't, Ari is just twenty anyway and in shallow consumption he should dwell, yet he doesn't. But never mind, we really know him already so it wouldn't surprise us in the light of the latest findings. Yet he's still starved.

I'll use the rest of the day in the clinic to wander into Kerenyi despite the formal conventionalism, I should just follow Kaltisdou and Otto hence my starting point should be Hesiodus and not academically unchallenging Kerenyi. In anycase I'm heading towards the other direction, I'll start with Kerenyi and then shift into Hesiodus and later Homer. The grammar classes have been somehow neglected as well, but we'll catch up. There's so much I have to learn, if you could only see my imaginary list of selected readings. Just as if I were starting from the start all over again, but that's the fun of it. Now being already an educated philologist I can allow myself to pursue these readings at the slow pace of a philological rendez-vous. I just thought I maybe should resume my reading of Agnon's Shira; I don't really like the book but I find it interesting and the language very rich, I'm quite addicted to read those writers whose language I might find enriching, even so more than Elliot. Still I read only lonely writers, lonely writers that wrote probably for lonely readers. I find myself in both sides of the edge, how interesting!

I've got to write today a few political letters I've promised for more than a half a year and they're so meaningless that the waiting has been dragged for so long but at the same time my mind is on Arie's and the next meals. I'm not sure if I'll accomplish my purpose but I can say I'm going to decidedly try. I believe Isobel and Kerenyi are far more interesting but I should look after my own sake sometimes as well. They all do. I've got linguistic gift for those persuasions, so get down to work!

I was surprised also to find out that Lara actually has missed wife a little bit, hummm I think we all do, but still she's more of an historical character than a short period of my life so we'll have more time to talk about her, or even better to let her talk.

Isobel's particulars was also an interesting note, lacking the fulfilling taste of other notes but very concrete, I believe the readers will be very interested in Isobel's particulars, for now I can only promise to read a few Anglo-Saxon poems and try to define her better. My Icelandic is also going down the trail, something else to catch up with. Will this ever end? I doubt it.

Time to catch up with something more primary, an hour of sleep or maybe 45 minutes even. That'll do good to me, not to my political letters though.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

dear blogger.

I hope your friend is ok, I hope in the midst of your cynical morning you remembered to eat something. Ive repented and am not mailing you the burnt cookies.

Love Lara