Monday, May 24, 2004

Waste-free time-effective life

That can be an interesting concept at 5 am in the morning, between unusual cups of coffee and odes, between cigarettes and frustrations.

As if nothing would really matter... a canned life; happiness insurance, sleeping tablets, staring at my walls, very unusual and very unlike myself.

Waiting for my destiny... on a bus stop.. right here in my mind.. wasting my life and using up my life as if there were no tomorrow. Among different old unknown faces, encounters, unconsciousness... I'm unthinkable... without a dream... and so wide awake... so expectant and hopeful. Also hurt, looking at my life through a transparent glass, the night bird in my life.. pretty lifeless...

My face, the match... the glass.. it's a whole march. A life full of electronic smiles and memories... empty in the shades... empty in the colours... full of shallowness.

Trying to face my loneliness without getting round to it, walking with her on a wire... watching it from the sides... keeping up the fire... waiting for a word... waiting for a word on the phone... living in function of a mobile phone... living in function of a life that hasn't started... living in function of disappointments... of unsual cups of coffee... of deliverance.. of old newspapers... of unknown faces... dwelling outside my life... dwelling in the outside... dwelling in the city and making history happen.

Living in front of a screen, behind a clock and next to a mobile phone... the unfamiliar faces... searching what has already been found.

Trying to find ways to give up... to stop the race and to dettach yourself... to sit and have some rest. But holding the rides and standing on your feet, as if you'd believe in anything at all... don't we all? It seems the skeptical tends to be the most courageous and naive believer... the one who lets himself down... next to a mobile phone. Pieces of deliverance, breakfast with the evil, a short life.

Electronically fed, dwelling on yourself... on your loneliness, on your disappointments.. as if they were all what you've got... what you've been called for.. God is on waiting call, he and all his cronies... on waiting call... but you're still on the line... you're still on the line... Welcome to Rome! Welcome to the Rome and its royalties!

There's a cold voice in the other line... and who is he to tell you it'll all be ok this time? Has he ever been there? has he ever been? has he ever felt? Probably he has... probably he does... but who has time for humanity these days? We just memorize sentences to unravel memories... to unravel pieces... to unravel... to understand... we memorize sentences, we memorize words... stuff that makes you feel better.

Morning just broke... let's go to pick up stars... to pick them up in the roads... they've fallen there just for you... in the eyes of people... in the miracles of silence... in the middle of nowhere, somewhere... just like it was yesterday... just like in some old script... you fallen star... you universe!

On top of yourself... trembling and waking up... opening your eyes... as if they'd never been open before... staring at the walls... walking in stores.. feeding up your vanity... feeding up your loneliness with lists of names, with phone numbers, with credit card bills, with political statements... faltering... don't we all?

Selling your soul... selling your integrity... just for yourself... to keep it all inside and cry thereafter... leaving a part here and a part there... so that you remember the road back... it's a silent path... the contemplation... living underground... it's 121.

Licentious lives... cheap leisure and cheap coffee, bad movies on TV, slow music, bus rides in a stranger's arms, a romantic ode... small like a lie... a tiny little lie.. that would make you feel better. Deep inside you never sleep... deep inside you are never full... you're never felt... you're never apart. Papering the walls, covering the windows, riding on a fast car, talking on the phone, a long line.... it's still you... it's still there.... we're taking over.

We're taking over....

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