People always tell me, why do you always paint? You should live! It's difficult to tell them cause I'm living all the time when painting, cause it's so passionate, if I would not live this crazy life, I would have nothing to paint, my motifs all come from the living and cracking middle -the most incredible desire to live and lose myself and at the same time a broken tie toward all things and a 'healthy life' bah! You know what I'm talking about. Kisses from the atelier to G.
You can't imagine this weird place of Ringstraße, painting there and listening to the geschäftgespräch in the nearby cafeteria, it's all so artificial and hochglanz, just a minute ago Ghadaffi passed the promenade.
Aghhhhhhhhhh... I'm so angry again, I think one day this man will kill my nerves, thing is... I think I like it and dying of anger strikes me as something really beautiful, fuck... I think I need alcohol.
J. Anger needs something else, not alcohol... because anger is not enough melancholy or Angst for drinking, anger is just.... agggggggggghhhh... like the present tense.
What a strange lonely night... I spent it in such unrest, I'm in nowhere time, night turned so quickly into early morning business, walking around, driving roung Ringstraße with taxi, visiting another painter, why am I so addicted to not sleeping? Ah, I enjoyed so much talking on the phone last night, good morning!
I spent all night smoking, listening to very loud music, copying zittaten from Benjamin, dreaming awake and talking to G. and you in my mind, ah! it feels too great to wait for the morning and say 'fuck you' to the alltägliche durchschnittlichkeit and then continue daydreaming with the sun outside. Das Licht der Öffenlichkeit verdünkelt alles.
....Well my dad agreed to send me cash on Monday, not knowing I have all but 50 shekels left in the bank. So another month of passion, drinking and philosophy at the expense of the burgeoisie.
Ah, let them pay and enjoy to the fullest, she yehieh keff!