Fluoxetine Journal 24.01.10

I should try to connect the signals from the past week into one “slide”, as my former boss would love to say. Let´s try and recall: I have to work on my good name (this is very stupid, but so real in this world), there´s a lot of wisdom in keeping quiet and of course not every friend is a friend, I am one of those for example, haven´t been such a good friend, but my loyalties are all too clear but all too few. There´s no such a thing as family, but there´s always family and the fact I am not another David Silva is attested by my most recent homecoming. I am open to declare now that my stepmother is not bad, she´s just plain stupid and her mother a witch, a real one, well she´s not casting spells but hiding my breakfast bread and badmouthing me, that is enough for a witch. Then this morning at the church, talking about the joy that one encounters when facing adversity… I would like to badmouth so many people here, but I am just waiting for my wit to return. I am very frustrated about my own work, or what it could be yet I am fully aware that this won´t improve with any studying whatsoever. The situation can only worsen but then I guess this is part of what philosophy is supposed to be about, and alas! Am I talking about philosophy? This is news. What a crazy enterprise is this, to write a journal without interpretation, without mediators and at the same time trying not to die from saying it aloud. It is not that the situation is not sufficiently grave but the issue is that I am so locked from inside and such locks are something to be concerned because they avoid any real feeling of unhappiness and misery but at the same time they also call off all happiness as well. It is time to try and write something.