personal note, 01:08 am

Personal note
Wanderings from the caffeine mirror

I
Usless lives like an electric can opener living with a wireshrine; alcoholic idealizations of a better world, laughs and smiles in prefabricated sun glasses' cases. Talks of better days gone long behind driving to La Riviera, the longings and the belongings... what do we know what places? what do we know about geography? what do we know about questions? i used to have a white doll, yes i used to have a white doll with which i used to play with, i used to have her but she's gone now... she's gone with all my memories and with all the rememberances of a glorious past, now i'm stuck in the future yeah i'm stuck in the future.... pointless. i'm still a believer, i'm still a believer and yes i'm obsessed.

II
when i drink my coffee in the morning, i think about my favourite words of love but i'm already glued to my screen; that's why my coffee is never drunk. I listen an endless speech on my mind, my heart and me speak different languages for the time being, and i'm so silent still i talk too much, but if they would know what i'm talking about, if they would just know..........

III
if they would understand that basically i'm talking about silence and mellancholly, aren't these words of love? well i dont remember because i haven't drunk my coffee, and i've missed the train to work. once i was a runner, once i competed to win, once i was a runner, then i used to believe in freedom and i was taught the only thing i needed just to carry on, i simply loved to depict unexistant love letters from strange anonymous phone calls. i know why he left, i know why he left, he left because we were both adults.

IV
the yearnings are things you can hardly deal with, because a feeling of yearning comes with hopelessness. the yearnings come with the dreams of what never will be, of the days that will never be again. the yearnings are conversations with someone who listens to you out of the pity the lion has for the snake. the yearnings eat you alive, they will eat you alive, i won't let this happen again; i'll be gone before.

V
there's so much in you, that's why you hate me. we are indeed the same person. look into my eyes and you will see how honest i am; he's not coming back. guess why? because he's not supposed to. call hazan and ask for coffee, we'll discuss it in silence, hang your loneliness in the door and close it; anyway remember we'll never be inside, just stay around and listen to me, we'll argue and we'll cry, but remember; in this tea-room only silence is allowed. without sugar please.

VI
if i were to write the end of this
we would not have an issue in common
light a cigarette and leave me alone

VII
writes period